Before I begin, I need to start by saying that Shonda should, in no way shape or form, be stopped. Now that that’s out of the way, let me begin.
So it’s Thursday night and I’m about to go to bed and as I lay there on my new satin pillowcase I think to myself, “Caitlin, this is the last time you’re going to feel this happy because come tomorrow night, Shonda is going to rip that away from you.”
There is this understanding you have before watching Grey’s, Scandal or How To Get Away with Murder that you will not be the same person. If you’re like me and you watch all three, you know in your heart that after that Shondaland picture pops up you are going to be left feeling attacked, confused and the personification of that picture of Kim Kardashian when she was surrounded by fans and she was screaming.
After having a two month break from feeling like a side chick who thinks she’s gunna be a main chick but it never happens, Shonda returned to my laptop screen last night (tbh, writing this in the hair salon so by the time I post it, last night could also mean 5 last nights ago). I settled down with my bag of biltong and glass of water and set up my tabs.
I always start with Scandal because it never leaves me feeling sad; it only leaves me feeling mad. Then I watch Grey’s and that mad feeling turns into that feeling your dog gets when you finish your dinner and you don’t give them any. Utter heartbreak. I have cried in every single episode of the current season. That means I cried once a week for 10 weeks straight. Once the episode ends I spend about 5 minutes asking God why Shonda does us so wrong. By this time I am emotionally spent but I bravely move on to How To Get Away with Murder. I spend the next 43 minutes trying to figure out what frame of mind someone needs to be in to write this kind of shit. Like who hurt you? Why are you hurting me? And that was my Friday night.
I woke up feeling like I had hiked a mountain, ran a marathon and twerked to Formation (✊🏾). It felt as though my body had had physical response to the emotional experience from the night before. But that could also because I slept on a space the size of a Rubix cube because my dog likes to stretch out. Let me rephrase that, I meant dogs (plural).
Needless to say, Shonda Rhimes has made a living off the tears and frustrations of innocent people who really just want to have a good time. This doesn’t mean that come next week I’m not going to be counting down the seconds till I get to watch my Shonda shows. You know that they (me) say about despair and heartbreak and anger – its a never ending cycle.